Comments on: While We Were Sleeping http://www.shardsofconsciousness.com/2006/09/while-we-were-sleeping/ Just You and Me - Exploring Pathways To Freedom Fri, 29 Aug 2008 22:43:12 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5 By: Rick http://www.shardsofconsciousness.com/2006/09/while-we-were-sleeping/#comment-1903 Rick Sun, 24 Sep 2006 04:38:42 +0000 http://www.shardsofconsciousness.com/articles/2006/09/while-we-were-sleeping/#comment-1903 Thank you for taking the time to read and think about "While We Were Sleeping", Summae. I hope you enjoyed your meal.:-) Sometimes I reply to comments quickly, at others, especially on the weekends, I respond very slowly because I'm out of the house from morning until late in the evening. I agree with you on the first two lines of the poem. I like your version better. Each word should do its work. Where one will do, don't use two. I'm not really clear about what you are saying in your second point. I hear you saying that poetry is radiational, that a true poem can be read on several levels, some of which the original author may not be aware, I agree. A poem is a very dense form of the written word. If not, even if it has verse form, it may not be a poem. I'm not clear if you think this example meets that criteria or not. Concreteness is something I'm working on. Much of what I write about is abstract, but the unconscious levels of our minds thinks concretely, with imagery taken from the senses. If you want to reach that level of the mind, you have to talk to it in forms it can understand. Since I have the visual artistic skills of a two year old, I work with words. Thank you for taking the time to read and think about “While We Were Sleeping”, Summae. I hope you enjoyed your meal.:-) Sometimes I reply to comments quickly, at others, especially on the weekends, I respond very slowly because I’m out of the house from morning until late in the evening.

I agree with you on the first two lines of the poem. I like your version better. Each word should do its work. Where one will do, don’t use two.

I’m not really clear about what you are saying in your second point. I hear you saying that poetry is radiational, that a true poem can be read on several levels, some of which the original author may not be aware, I agree. A poem is a very dense form of the written word. If not, even if it has verse form, it may not be a poem. I’m not clear if you think this example meets that criteria or not.

Concreteness is something I’m working on. Much of what I write about is abstract, but the unconscious levels of our minds thinks concretely, with imagery taken from the senses. If you want to reach that level of the mind, you have to talk to it in forms it can understand. Since I have the visual artistic skills of a two year old, I work with words.

]]> By: summae http://www.shardsofconsciousness.com/2006/09/while-we-were-sleeping/#comment-1900 summae Sun, 24 Sep 2006 00:15:52 +0000 http://www.shardsofconsciousness.com/articles/2006/09/while-we-were-sleeping/#comment-1900 Hmm, I'm an...essentialist? as far as poetry is concerned, at least in two distinct aspects I'm thinking of right now. The first is, that every single word should count, that the word Has to be there and indeed Has to be that word or the poem would be less. An example of this might be converting your first two lines to A multitudinal muchness. Suchness? or something like that, what is lost in doing that? if in fact some thought or feeling is lost, can it be regained in fewer words? More exact words? The second action I am thinking of is that the relationship of these words, there grammar and perhaps presentation is such that the sum of them is perhaps more than you could have imagined. I love ambiguousness, allegory, analogy and metaphor. The words I feel should relate strongly, and in a way that opens up many possibilities...perhaps I can be clearer about this if you'd like a conversation about it, but I need to eat now ;-) , oh and concreteness is wonderful as well. And oh, this particular poem is not bad, but it feels to me like a somewhat unfocused beginning of a poem. Hmm, I’m an…essentialist? as far as poetry is concerned, at least in two distinct aspects I’m thinking of right now. The first is, that every single word should count, that the word Has to be there and indeed Has to be that word or the poem would be less. An example of this might be converting your first two lines to
A multitudinal muchness. Suchness?
or something like that, what is lost in doing that? if in fact some thought or feeling is lost, can it be regained in fewer words? More exact words? The second action I am thinking of is that the relationship of these words, there grammar and perhaps presentation is such that the sum of them is perhaps more than you could have imagined. I love ambiguousness, allegory, analogy and metaphor. The words I feel should relate strongly, and in a way that opens up many possibilities…perhaps I can be clearer about this if you’d like a conversation about it, but I need to eat now ;-) , oh and concreteness is wonderful as well. And oh, this particular poem is not bad, but it feels to me like a somewhat unfocused beginning of a poem.

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